dimanche 4 septembre 2011

Idiopathic Scleritis ... I know what causes mine !

Je suis de retour à la maison à Bondi Beach, et sur mon blog, apres 2 semaines d intense reflexion sur moi-meme. 

Je vais ecrire ce post en anglais, car j aimerais etre accessible a plus de monde, et partager ma joie d avoir trouve les causes de ma sclerite chronique et les solutions qui me semblent appropriees Personne ne me l a dit formellement, mais j ai une tres forte intuition cette fois et je pense etre sur le chemin de la guerison et du bonheur ! 

Hi guys

I used to write my posts in French, because it was easier for me to express my feelings. But this time is different. I feel that I HAVE TO write in English so that more people will be able to read me. And maybe, I will help them ...

Maybe what I'm gonna say will open your eyes and you will realize it makes sense and that's fantastic!

Or maybe you will just think "mmmmh I'm sceptic, she is a loopy". In that case, I honestly hope you will find out the causes of the problem.

Anyway, I won't change my mind because I'm extremely happy to understand what happened to me. My life will be totally different from now. I'm gonna be free, happy and healthy !

So what ?
I have been taking that drug (cortisone/prednisone) daily since January 2010, to relieve me from this acute pain in the back of my eye. This pain is so intense when it happens, that I would like to disappear and stop my life. So, yes, cortisone is a miraculous drug. Maybe I would be blind if it didn't exist.
Cortisone has so many side effects. I had them all, no exception. According to the best Doctors and Professors (in Paris and in Sydney), the picture is quite pessimistic. We don't know what is the cause, we don't know how long I will have this problem. Ahhhh ... they have a solution : cortisone ! or methotrexate ( an immuno-suppressant drug) ! And for my entire life, please.
Of course, every drug has side-effects. Nice.
Traditional Medicine helped me, but it's hopeless now. That's why in May 2011 I decided to turn towards natural therapies. First, thanks to my dear friend EXX, I managed to feel better. She gave me a few tips to improve my digestion. Then my life started to change, in a good way ! Now, I am seeing a Naturopath, a Chiropractor and an Osteopath as well. They helped me, for sure ! 

I saw a Mind coach as well, and in retrospect, I am so grateful I met her ! What I have learnt is what helps me the most every single day. I sleep better, I am less anxious, I learn how to live IN THE MOMENT, I strongly believe I can heal my body by myself ...  I would strongly recommend her !  (Click on what's underlined to see her website) 

As a result, I have less side effects. However, I have never been able to come OFF the drug, because every time I reached a low dose, I had a new flare up, and nothing else but Prednisone worked to kill the inflammation in my eye.

Is my diet responsible for my scleritis ?
Since May 2011, I put the blame for my scleritis on my diet. Even though I am an healthy person, since I was born ! No alcohol (1 glass of red wine every 3 month, no processed food, no trans fat, veggies and fruit at every meal, good fat under control, whole grains, oily fish, lean meat...) I thought I was eating healthily ! Maybe it was not healthy enough ?!
So I have changed my diet. Now, it is extremely healthy ! My Naturopath can tell you ! I feel better ! People tell me I am glowing with health ! I am grateful that my face looks good ! My body looks good, yes ! They don't realize I am having this awful drug and will have it for my whole life ... I am getting anxious, it's tough ...
The good thing is I feel better and I have been learning lots of things about nutrition ! It's just fascinating !
Just to sum up : I am feeling much better in my digestion, my hair are growing again (with grey hair ... OK it's normal I'm 31 y.o !) . This is fantastic ! But still having my Prednisone daily, and SCARED that another inflammation might occur !
2 weeks ago, I had the feeling there was something else, and I could find out by myself. How could I be so healthy in my diet, and have such a severe chronic inflammation in the eye ? Without any other symptoms (that s why it is called idiopathic) apart from the side effects of the drug. How- can -that- be- possible ?
As you know, Scleritis is often related to another systemic auto immune disease. (click on this link to know more about Scleritis) For those who are reading my post and have this kind of scleritis, I just want to say good luck and look after yourself. Maybe what I will say after will help you as well.

Is stress responsible for my scleritis ?
I am perfectionist. I experienced stress. That's why I changed my job in 2004 ! I changed to work in the area that fascinates me ! I love my job now, I am not stressed with my job. 
I don't think stress is responsible. But it could be !
It is something else ...

I like creating that suspense ! What I am gonna say finally is very, very simple.
I read a lot about Health, Nutrition, Fitness. Last Saturday, I was extremely attracted by the shelf "change psychology" at the library. I borrowed a few books about how to change your life, one about Meditation and another book about Healing.

On Sunday morning, I started to read the book from Louise L.Hay called "You can heal your life".

What she said came to my senses ! This book is fascinating !
"When we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works" - '"all disease comes from a state of unforgiveness"
I am 31 y.o now, and I am realizing that I always wanted to be perfect, to be in a good shape, to be strong, be fit , be smart , be pretty.
What characterizes the most is : I always did my best to deny pain, fatigue, and weakness !
Whatever it was, I always wanted to excel myself all the time !
I was in pain every single day during 5 years because of teeth issues and jaw issues ! I was denying the pain, like if I was a superwoman. I was a group exercise intructor : superfit, never tired ! I didn't want to tell people that I was human and weak and tired sometimes. I pushed my body, and it was responding very well, even when I was exhausted and sore everywhere !
I have just realized that it was the last solution for my body to generate an intense pain, so sharp that I could not hide it anymore to the world. I had to show every one that I was human.
I am convinced that if I love myself as I am, with my weaknesses and strengths, every thing will be better from now.
I am not a superwoman. I will accept being weak, I will appreciate being super strong. I will appreciate every single pleasure on Earth, I will also take it easy and say NO when my body is not able to deal with a situation.
My body had no other solution. Now I understand.
"Self-approval and self acceptance in the now are the main keys to positive changes in every area of our lives"
I will tell you how it goes.
(FYI : I am having 5.750 MG of Prednisone daily at the moment. It is a low dose. I am not scared anymore about any flare-up. I believe I can lessen and be OFF Prednisone by the end or the year. I will trust my body. I believe I can heal by myself if I have a good relationship with myself ... )
Talk soon !
Any comments welcome ...